Alternative semen schmear delight : Shoot that creamy hot load into the bowl of a stand mixer fitted with the paddle attachment or beaters, combine with 250g cream cheese, 100g sour cream, and a squeeze of fresh lemon juice, increasing the speed as the ingredients combine, until fluffy, lightened, and spreadable, just 1 to 2 minutes. Alternatively, use a medium mixing bowl and a stiff spoon to combine and then stir and whip vigorously to aerate and lighten the mixture. Pack the schmear into glass ramekins and store in the fridge. Eat within a week of ejaculation.